P’s and Q’s

There was a prince who spent his life
Searching for the perfect wife
But princesses are hard to find
Depending on your state of mind.

He found a few that had appeal
But worried they might not be real
And some he thought were pretty grim
And may not be as royal as him.
Too thin, too thick, too short, too tall
They did not suit the prince at all
Some were too loud and some too coarse
And one looked like his favourite horse.

His mother said, ‘I know it’s tough
But are you trying hard enough?
Come home at once I will not stand
You gallivanting round the land.’
And he gave in without a fight
Because your mother’s always right.

Then one wet night extremely late
He heard a knock upon the gate
‘Good Grief,’ he yelled, ‘it’s such poor form,
To visit someone in a storm.’
He splashed on out, ‘Who’s there?’ he called.
His mother, said ‘We’re quite appalled.’

For standing dripping on the mat
There was a young aristocrat.
Water ran down from her clothes
And dripped between her tiny toes
Her hair was lank, her lips were blue,
‘Achoo,’ she said, ‘ACHOO! ACHOO!’

The prince’s head was in a spin
‘Perhaps,’ he said, ‘you should come in.’
He held her hand and called her Dear,
The queen was shocked for it was clear
Her son had made a grave mistake
His princess surely was a fake.

And just to prove he’d lost his head
She made the girl a royal bed
With twenty mattresses on top
Of twenty quilts and then the lot
All piled on just one single pea
To prove her claim to royalty.

So when the tired princess was lead
Into the room to go to bed
She raised her weary eyes and saw
A bed ten metres off the floor.
She wondered how or if at all
She’d get into a bed that tall.
But being young and too polite
She bade the queen and prince goodnight.

At first she tried to climb the side
But that made all the bedclothes slide
And worried that it might collapse
And squash her flat she thought perhaps
A better way to reach the top
Would be to try a Fosby Flop.

She took a run up from the door
And sprinted at the bed full bore
She leaped and reached and arched her back
And went head first into the stack.
Exploding stars were all around
Then darkness as she hit the ground.

Next morning when she finally woke
It all seemed like a ghastly joke
She staggered up and feeling green
She tottered off to find the queen.

‘Aah,’ said the queen, ‘how did you sleep?’
The princess looked like she might weep,
‘I’m battered, bruised and black and blue,
I’m quite unwell, but how are you?’

The queen thought she would never find
A princess was so refined
A girl who must have such thin skin
A pea had nearly done her in.
A girl who’d been lost in the rain
And suffered unrelenting pain
A girl she’d try to trick by stealth
Enquiring sweetly of her health
A girl no matter how ill-used
Would always mind her p’s and q’s.

The prince went down on bended knee
And said, ‘My darling, marry me,
I’ll give you treasures, name your price.’
She thought a ladder might be nice.

Glimmer (This is about looking for fairies)

Whisper shimmer
Sparkle glimmer
Will o wispy
Flitter fly
Silver shiver
Blue star quiver
Flicker, see it?
Spin, it’s gone

Misty floaty
Airy smoky
Feather lightly
Brushes by
Sense it soft as airy kisses
From the corner of your eye.

For Rose (This is about a little girl playing)

Tiny tinsel thing
Sunshine halo
Gauzy wing
Skipping feet
and sea-sky eyes
Star hands making butterflies
Sing me kisses
Gold and white
Sigh me secrets
Spin me spells
Enchanated charms
Circled in your
Little arms

The Need For Speed

Sebastion had the need for speed
‘Please, slow down,’ his mum would plead
But boys can be a feral breed
Especially when they pick up speed
For everything Sebastion did
Was faster than your average kid

‘Why walk when you can run?’ he’d say
‘You know I haven’t got all day.’
‘You need to last the distance, son,’
His Dad said as he watched him run
‘Remember that an even pace
Will help you finish any race.’

Sebastion laughed and sped from home
Straight off to the velodrome
His bike was fast,, he did just fine
He led them down the sprinter’s line
Up round the banks, Sebastian went
until he had an accident.

His mother wept,’ Since you’re not dead,
‘Perhaps you could play bowls instead’.
‘Don’t worry Mum, this sport’s too dry.
There’s something else I’d like to try.’
Sebastian swam from dawn to dark
Faster than a hungry shark

His friends said, ‘You’re on fire, mate,
You’ll make the pool evaporate.’
But when the starters gun went “beep”
Sebastion was at home, asleep
‘You’ve missed the race!’ his father cried
Because you were too jolly tired.’

Sebastion had a clever thought
About another gnarly sport,
Faster than the speed of light
On his skateboard day and night
He looped the half-pipe back and forth

The Allergy

There was a young man who would sneeze
Every time he saw carrots or peas
‘If I eat them,’ he said
‘They will make me drop dead,
I’m extremely allergic to these.’